It’s been awhile hasn’t it?
I haven’t posted on here in what feels like forever and believe me when I say that this is not on purpose. I apologize now if this turns into some kind of ramble, I promise I’ll try to keep it under control as much as possible. However, I feel like these words just need to be said.
I don’t even know how to begin this, but I feel like it is an apology letter. Starting with “I’m sorry.”
Dear Wonderful Community,
I’ve felt like I’ve said that on repeat for almost a year now. “I’m sorry I’m not streaming more.” “I’m sorry I don’t have a schedule.” “I’m sorry.”
I’ve been in this world for almost twelve years now. It’s crazy thinking back where we had started, back in 2009, on a crappy little laptop that could either run my gameplay or my camera, but not both. Audio issues still ever present to this day – nothing has ever changed there.
2015 has been a rollercoaster.
This was the year that I started to figure out who I was as a person – a young girl living on her own, in a city that she doesn’t have family in. Family to me, is number one. I had to figure out for the first time, who did I want to be? Where did I want to go with everything that I am working for? What will make me happy? What do I need to do in order to cut out the negativity in my life?
Lenard reached out to me last March asking if I would take part in a opportunity to do something that could mean something. “Bringing the Alienware community together, allowing them to see who we are, and to have a great time along the way.” Lenard sold this vision to me, I think that’s why I look up to him as work mentor so much. I’m sure you can see it in the streams, how he has so much passion for what he does and the care he takes in everything that he is doing with what we’re trying to build on Twitch. I admire it.
Now not only do I have you, Team Internet, I also welcome those who have joined the community through my work with Alienware. Trust me when I say that we welcome you with open arms and dickbutt jokes.
This brings me back to the “I’m sorry”. I’ve spent so many nights saying “Ok, I’m going to stream tonight, it’s going to happen.” and then by the time I’m ready to stream I’m exhausted or I come up with another lame excuse. Tired. Just need a nap. Need to just do a few things first… I’ve thought about how do I counter this, since I’m streaming W, Th, F, on Alienware, but by the time I get home, I’m ready for my PJ’s and to do absolutely nothing. I don’t know why, but for the past couple months I haven’t been able to find that drive in me, that passion that has kept me going.
So this is what I’ve come up with: Stream Monday through Friday, but starting back off at two hours a night. This schedule would allow me to ease my way back into streaming, since it has been so long.
Let me know what you think of this schedule and if you think this is something that could work for you as well.
2016 is the year of “Big Dreams and Grand Schemes“. This is our year. This is the year that will change everything.
There are so many things going on behind the scenes that I wish I could talk about yet, but I can’t. Trust me when I say that shit is about to get crazy.
Here’s to never giving up on your dreams and working hard to get there.
And never forget, if anyone ever doubts you:
the loudest boos come from the cheapest seats.
See you guys real soon